Menantikan Umar

Assalaamu'alaykum, Umar!

Sebenarnya Ambu belum tahu kamu itu laki-laki atau perempuan. Tapi berhubung Ambu sangat ngefans dengan Umar Bin Khattab, R. A. dan Umar Bin Abdul Aziz, ya sudah sementara ini Ambu panggil Umar dengan sebutan Umar, ya. Hehe. Ambu tahu nanti Umar akan menjadi orang yang tangguh dan berjiwa pemimpin, namun tetap takut kepada Allah SWT dan cinta keluarganya. Hmm tapi Apa' bilang sih sebaiknya Ambu manggil Umar dengan sebutan Kafa. Singkatan nama panjang Umar nanti. Tapi Ambu masih lebih senang manggil Umar hehe. Gak apa-apa ya?

Umar sekarang udah berusia 5 minggu 4 hari looh. Kata dokter Casa, dokternya Ambu pas lagi hamil Umar, saat ini Umar baru sebesar biji jeruk! Hihi. Ukuran Umar baru 0,9 cm saja. Tapi Umar sekarang memang lagi bikin Ambu mabok dan tiba-tiba benci sama bau kencur (literally kencur). Membayangkannya pun Ambu mual huhu. Sabar ya, Umar. Kita 'gak akan makan yang ada kencur-kencurnya dulu kok. Kita makan yang lain aja. Dari kemarin kita cuma makan apel sama buah pir. Sesekali makan kemplang. Itu loh, kerupuk Palembang yang enak banget itu. Ambu harus ngunyah terus nih biar kita gak pusing dan mual.

Ambu, Apa' dan Umar.

Untungnya, Apa' baiknya di luar batas kewajaran hehe. Walaupun sekarang Ambu dan Apa' lagi jauhan (Apa' di Bekasi, Ambu di Palembang), Apa' 'gak pernah marah-marah sama Ambu kalau Ambu lagi moody karena hormon kehamilan ini. Lagi males makan, lagi mual... Apak tetep baik dan sabar. Apa' selalu menyemangati Ambu supaya kuat dan tangguh. Supaya gak boleh kalah ama hormon, 'kan kita punya Allah SWT yang Maha Kuat, yang 'gak bisa dibandingin ama hormon hamil doang. Apa' sayang banget sama Ambu dan Umar. Alhamdulillah ya.

Tapi sebelum ini, sebetulnya Umar pernah ada di rahim Ambu lho.

Working Today

It feels incredibly refreshing, starting to arrive early in the office like what happened in my early years of working here (I mean, until the midyear of 2016 I still arrive at the office before 7 AM sharp). Don't get me wrong, my office has a flexible entry time ranging from 7 AM to 7.30 AM so when I say I don't arrive early, it means I arrived like 7.30 AM-ish. And then this noon I received this job-anniversary certificate, stating that I've been working here for five years.

FIVE YEARS!!

Wow! If they include those OJT year it supposed to be 6 years, no? How time flies...

Oh and so you know again, I've been stagnantly here for 4 years now. So basically I've spent most of my entire career here in Palembang. And to be honest, it equals with, growing older (and wiser? dunno) here. Like my adulthood is starting and progressing here from 24 to 28 yo of my age (I'M THAT OLD, I KNOW!). Ah.. what is it with Palembang? Sometimes it feels bleak and empty. Especially when my mood is in some kind of juggling state. Up and down and up and down. Often it felt like it was gonna break into pieces.. but it didn't.

This city has became one spot of comfort zones. Four years is not a short period. If it's a relationship then it'll be time to decide whether we should continue or just cut it.

Continue. Or Leave.

Of course it's never been an option for me, as a corporate worker whose the fate decided by those upper-level-men. But I don't know. I feel like I have a choice. By choice I mean I have another life to consider. The new one. (So basically it's not even a choice). I need to take a step and I know this time I won't be alone.

Almost Ravenna

Ada yang pernah baca "titik"? Ya, sebuah tulisan semi asal-asalan yang saya buat dua bulan lalu, yang agak-agak semi curhat juga mengingat itu khas banget omongan mbak-mbak twenty something yang sok-sokan kuat padahal galau (apaseh), yang sebenernya saya udah lama banget pengen bahas dan isinya lebih luas dari yang kamu bayangin. That's right. Tentang sebuah kegagalan. Tepatnya, pembenaran terhadap kegagalan. Gak deng, saya gak seneng dengan kata "gagal". Saya bilang, sebuah ketentuan-yang-gak-persis-harapan-tapi-paling-baik-menurutNya-namun-belum-kita-mengerti-artinya. Such a phrase, ryt!

Tentang LPDP.

Selfie. That eerie portrait I drew to capture my feeling that day lol. Illustration by me. Watercolor and Ink on Regular Paper.

Ya gua pernah ikutan LPDP lohh btw. Dan misalkan elo search "LPDP" di Google pun, akan ke luar banyak bacaan, banyak yang bahas, baik yang berhasil maupun yang belum. IDK, perhaps LPDP is popular among bloggers? So walaupun saya tahu di luar sana banyaaaakk banget yang bahas ini, saya tetep akan bahas karena saya blogger, dan saya pernah ngomong kemarenan:

"That's right, successful or not, I'll be still own something to write on my blog".

Dan bener aja! That "not" was happened.

Rasanya sedih banget at the moment. Karena saya kayak udah merencanakan ini sejak lamaaaa banget. Sejak penghujung 2015 kali ya hehe. Butuh berbulan-bulan untuk saya berhenti menapakuri hal tersebut. What's wrong about me? Why did I fail? Something like that. I must say, something that a snobbish would say and I've said them a lot. Bukan gak terima sih, cuman kayak, self-esteem saya tuh pernah jatoh banget gara-gara ini. Well, kini gue nyesel sih udah mikir begituan. Gue lupaaa banget ada hal-hal kayak gue bilang di atas, hal-hal yang gak bisa kita kontrol seenak jidat, yakni ada ketentuan-yang-gak-persis-harapan-tapi-paling-baik-menurutNya-namun-belum-kita-mengerti-artinya. That Higher power. Ini salah satunya.

Disclaimer: buat temen-temen yang tersasar ke blog ini karena pengen tahu soal LPDP secara detail, my apologize, mendingan skip deh, karena saya gak akan cerita "how to" dan semacamnya. You know the result.

That Just-In-Case Stuff and Where You Put Them

This is very embarrassing but after all these years of denial, I finally need to agree with them easy-going-don't-care-for-style girls and have to reconsider my choice of: BAG. Yes, bag is an essential part of women (hehe) like we cannot going around without carrying our bags. For a woman who works like me, choosing a bag is one factor because I walk about 300 meters from my place to the office everyday carrying my bag (full of my 'just-in-case' stuff). I don't really carry a lot of stuff, tho. But still, the right bag is necessary.

And why do I suddenly think this way? I don't really have problems with my daily bag before today. Yeah. Another clumsiness kills so I have this aching right shoulder for two weeks (tears).

My daily bag.

Yaaa jadi ceritanya dua minggu lalu saya jatuh terperosok ke dalam lubang yang dalam (jirr bahasa apa ini). Saya lupa yaa waktu itu memang 'gak seberapa sakit sih tapi malunya lebih nyakitin karena diliatin orang-orang haha. Pas nyampe kosan, saya baru sadar kaki saya lebam binti lecet dengan tangan kanan yang tiba-tiba pegel kayak mau copot.

Sehingga saya 'gak bisa pake tas kerja saya yang biasanya: that brown Mayonette handbag I adore so much (huhu). Ini juga menyadarkan sih bahwa sebelum saya jatuh itu saya memang kadang sakit bahu yang kemungkinan besar disebabkan oleh pilihan tas yang kurang ergonomis.

Barang bawaan saya cukup banyak sih. Orang bilang, isi tas kita itu isinya barang-barang just-in-case semua. Siapa tau butuh gitu. Tapi gak benar-benar selalu diperlukan. Kayak saya, selain dompet dan hand phone, isi tas saya itu ya benda-benda untuk aktivitas "menunggu". Hand phone, headset, pulpen, sketch book, note book, just book, hehe. Makanya karena isi tas saya gak bisa diringkas lagi, akhirnya saya memutuskan pake tas punggung. :(

Buat saya ini tuh lumayan big deal sih.

Swatch Switch (My Smart Phone Screed)

As you know, my Nexus 5 was broken several days before 2017. I know, it's like an ugly ending for him (I called my phone as "him" lol) and I was sad because he's been with me for almost 2 years. I haven't use the same mobile phone for more than 2 years until him. Not a bragging but nowadays people got bored with smart phone like 5 seconds after they purchased it, considering there are a lot of new type of smart phone offered in the market in a year. Me? My problem with smart phone is not that "boring" thing, it was simply because I couldn't use it anymore (broken stuff). Like, I purchased Samsung three times and they are running out of battery too soon (talking about defect battery life). My Blackberry track pad is also broken I couldn't use it anymore. Lately my Nexus was broken because I dropped him like too often and finally I couldn't turn him on until now. Clumsy me :(

My Broken Nexus 5 :(

Me and my Nexus 5 has a special relationship. After I got him, I never have the urge to buy another phone. I'm a regular Android user, tho. I don't build programs whatsoever so probably I like him very much because of his looks, his interface (slightly different from regular Android phones, the "back" button is on the left - I'm not a lefty tho), and his 'hipster'-ish feeling because he's so rare now. He's so nice to hold on my tiny hand, and I used to tired holding my mobile phone all the time until him. So, having him broken was a great loss for me.

Greater loss when I remember that I only have it backed up on October, so the data after that is erased. Including my parents' photos taken in Bali (have another photos on my Sony Cyber-shot DSC TX20 but not too many left there). I once left my Nexus 5 on a cab while arriving at the airport. Lucky me, the man in the information center lend me his phone so I could call my own phone and the cab's driver picked it. He was kindly return to the airport and handed me back my phone alhamdulillah. I was like, should I have a back up phone? Nowadays people have more than one phone. But NO. I always bring my laptop everywhere and my number is connected to my emails (mostly connected every way, including my social medias - security risks talking) so I'll stay with only one number - one only way to reach me (and I rarely pick up any phone-call lol sorry).

Formula Anti Gila

I am actually in the middle of working - cie, kerja teross. Gak sih, soalnya kemarin sempat bolos satu setengah hari gara-gara HxNx - oke, kita biasa menyebutnya "flu" - sehingga saya merasa sudah terlalu lama libur tanpa cuti dan harus mengganti gap kosong yang kemarin saya tinggalin (still, "cie, kerja teross").

Baiklah. Saya ada deadline. Dia menunggu di pojok sana. Sendiri. Menatap sambil mengancam akan mematikan lampu. Mengingatkan bahwa listrik adalah sesuatu yang memberi nyawa pada apa yang sedang saya kerjakan. Dan saya malah menggambar, menggunakan listrik untuk sesuatu yang lain seperti main-main dengan Photoshop dan bahkan sekarang sedang menulis entry blog di sini. Oke. Dia menatap saya tambah tajam sekarang.

Haruskah saya lari sekarang? Soalnya untuk memenuhi si deadline ini, saya butuh energi. Energi saya lagi kurang banget. Flu dan beberapa hal gak penting sedang menguras energi saya. OMG makin dibiarkan, makin mau gila.

Inspired by Nala Cat. Colored pencil and water color on plain paper. With ink and a help of Photoshop CC.

Analoginya begitu sih. Dan ini gak terjadi sekali aja. Sudah berkali-kali. Agaknya tiap tahun begini banget deh. Di saat inspirasi sangat dibutuhkan dan harus dieksekusi, eh yang terjadi macam-macam: sakit flu, malas, futur, bengong, gak fokus, malas. Hehe. Termasuk, ada pengaruh dari perasaan kehilangan akibat ditinggalkan beberapa orang (atau hal) sekaligus. Yah, saya agak sensitif terhadap 'ditinggalkan'. Dalam beberapa kasus ini sangat merugikan sih, misalnya kita jadi melakukan banyak tugas sementara menunggu pengganti manusia-manusia (atau hal-hal) yang pergi.

It seems that the whole world is against me now. - January 6, 2017.

Oleh karena itu saya menjadi manic! Mmm gak tau deh apa istilah ini tepat. Pokoknya ada saat di mana kamu lagi banyak ide yang pengen diungkapkan tapi yang terjadi adalah, kamu mandeg. Kemudian cemas 'gak jelas, waswas dan sebagainya. Juga ada rasa g'ak percaya sama orang (atau hal), takut 'gak sejalan dan sebagainya. Mendengarkan musik pun jadi nyakitin kuping gitu. Entah karena sulit ngaturin prioritas ataukah kamu memang bukan eksekutor yang baik. Dan saat itu terjadi, kadar antusiasme yang kamu dapat dari sekitarmu ternyata kurang banyak! Gak heran si manic ini semakin menjadi-jadi.

The Ghostwriter Part 2; Publish or Perish

If there's a part 2, then there must be a part 1 heheh. Well that part 1 was happened years ago, when I was still in the "will-work-for-food" phase (in the most desperate state) and doesn't need any attention to my actual entity. For example, I didn't sign my creation (or writing); means, I let people claimed it as theirs; means, no one knows it was me creating things. And then there were "but(s)" behind all these means. Here are the but(s): I was paid, They were nice, The situation didn't allowed me to do that (For example: I've just graduated, how would I write a doctoral thesis on my own, right?) and I was paid lol. So there was no problem about that, right? We made a deal! And because I learnt a lot by doing that so I didn't hate it. Being a ghostwriter was fun. Like being a secret agent.

WAS fun.

Until unfortunately, I found it was no longer exciting since I am in the real world now. Yes. I told people that one of my motto is "publish or perish" but at times, I'm too coward to take credits for everything. Have I told you that I once hid myself in the crowd when I was announced as a winner of something in high school and asked to get on to the stage, just because I didn't want to be seen - I was too shy (and coward). Okay that was the stage fright things and happen to be lost in sight nowadays (sometimes it happened again, displease everyone). What I'm talking about now is something deeper.

Originally seen on Marc Jacobs ad. Illustration on plain paper using inks and water color. Refined by Photoshop CC.

This is the situation where you create (or control, or think, or whatever) something but no one knows about it coming from you. And they do it on purpose while you don't. There are reasons behind it but it doesn't matter. Your name isn't worth to mention and they prefer you to stay anonymous. So you hid yourself again. Like a ghostwriter (or only "ghost"). Only this time, you don't mean it.

To explain the ambiguity-ish feeling resulted by this situation, I'll split myself into two persons.

A Pep Talk for A (Potentially) Toxic Co-Worker

Can we really help the toxic people by giving them some (extra) effing empathy??

Fact check: being in a career-world for almost 5 years took me to realize that since I signed that contract, I have decided to drown myself into that cruel society, where friend(s) are rare things to find (if not nonexistent) and enemy(es) are growing in number (or ability!) as we climb to a higher place. No no, not that I have climbed higher place (yet) lol or got promoted whatsoever so I have enemies, no. I was tempted to say that, because I've looked around, analyzing the circumstances, terrified by that "war" that constantly takes place, and then I came into that conclusion. Scary... And if you think you have no enemy, uhm honey, you may think you have none, but probably some of your fellas slash co-workers have marked you as theirs.

Taken from The Intern, as I captured on my sketch book.

During my observation, I found this phrase, "the toxic co-worker" who put poison in your days and spread the hate every time they walk or speak. Do I have one? Or am I likely that one? IDK. But they are do exist in many forms. The one that annoys me too much is this ultra-cocky-playing-victim-empathy-beggar (what a phrase! lol). Yeah, we have (at least) that one co-worker who constantly upset because he/ she thinks that people are got them in a very wrong place, gaining followers by using his/ her sad sad rants while silently owning an ultra-huge self esteem, that he/ she thinks he/ she deserves better things (like wages? position?) than others.

What?? Ew! Right?

I've been struggling with one of those kinds of people and somehow it drives me nut, like, I hope I could change them or giving them my empathy (more like pep talks, actually) to make them less annoying, but man I was unsuccessful lol. Let's hope that we're not part of those cr*p. I mean, we have our insecurities and stuff but always keep in mind that not everything is for shared and that toxic is bad for your mental health! We started working usually at our 20s, I think it's mature enough to enter this world but those people do still exist.

About my version of that toxic co-worker(s), I have an analysis for each phrase mentioned above:

Revenge: Reviewed!

And so I've watched the Revenge TV series this whole week till they end and now I left in emptiness lol.

Like I said earlier, my hobbies are seasonal. I love drawing so much but after the last illustration, I haven't touch my drawing tools again ever since. This week theme is "movie mania". By movie I don't say the "movie" that has to be watched in the cinema, but they mostly watched in my laptop. Especially the TV movies from the international channel. They make me addicted. Okay you could just say that those are like "sinetron barat" but I tell you that they are very different from ours (wonder why!). The best thing I like about them is they know how exactly to keep us watching without making us boring. Also, they absolutely know how to end the series. I mean, how many of our "sinetron" began with a nice idea and nice plot but then as it keeps going, it started to be confusing until they finally cut it hanging without planning things right? Uhm..

My attempt to draw Victoria Grayson is failed. First, she's too young and chubby. Second, she's less vicious lol.

I actually watched Cinta Fitri before it ended up to be poorly crafted, and I was left confused, bored and disappointed :(

So now about Revenge. They came in 4 seasons, each has 23 episodes. I bought the first season DVDs since 2013 but only decided to watch it in 2015. And then I was so in love. At first it looked like an ordinary soap opera. But as it progressing, it became more and more interesting. And also, do you know that not many movies have a great heroine in it? This movie does. Emily Thorne is badass.

The story is about that very Emily Thorne, whose real name is Amanda Clarke, that has a big well-planned revenge plan towards The Grayson Family who has falsely accused her father, David Clarke, as a criminal responsible for the airplane crash while Emily still 9. Turns out that the airplane crash is a part of a big conspiracy. The revenge plan is so tidy, clever, and interesting (and also wicked) but somehow we'll always support it because The Graysons are evil-er. One by one, Emily took down everyone who took part in that conspiracy and wronged her family in the past. By took down, she did something wicked to make sure the villain got a miserable life.

Kenapa Gue Gak Jadi Artis?

YAEYALAH GUE SIAPA wkwk.

Disclaimer: Tulisan ini bersifat just-for-fun dan kalau tidak fun mohon dimaafkan. Intinya gak maksud mendiskreditkan profesi tertentu.

Maafkan judul yang bikin agak eneg ini but today I was just browsing through one to too many articles about "the somebody" plus those "it" people and I was like, OMG it looks so hard being a celebrity no? Hehe. Salah satu guilty pleasure saya adalah nonton infotainment. Kayak asik aja gitu bisa tau kehidupan para seleb dan berasa HITS banget kalau tau kabar terkini - sayangnya kabar yang dipilih adalah kabar berkilauan dunia entertainment T_T. Hmm namun sejak bulan Mei lalu saya memutuskan mengeluarkan TV saya dari kamar kost (replaced by another electronic stuff hehe) sehingga alhamdulillah saya udah lamaaa banget gak liat infotainment.

Joey Alexander as the muse.

Tapi akhirnya saya kepo juga. Baru liat-liat IG gosip (astagfirulloh ada pula IG tematik gini) dan saya kaget aja gitu. Bukan postingannya, saya suka seneng aja liat komentar-komentarnya. Lucu-lucu sih bikin ngikik wkwk. Ada beberapa hal yang ganggu banget menurut saya dari kehidupan gemerlapan tersebut (which is why aku gak pengen jadi artis lol):

Yang ada di TV ≠ Yang ada di Dunia Nyata

"Aslinya dia gak ramah kok, gue pernah minta foto bareng eh ditolak pake muka cemberut gitu sambil ngomong 'maaf mbak saya lagi off'. Fixed ilfil, gak ngefans lagi gua".

Strange Games (As If Your Life Is Not Strange Enough)

Several weeks ago (Wait, WEEKS?) I accidentally met one of my colleagues from my early years in this company.  We haven't met for like, four years since our on-the-job-training and not much changes except I recognize on of his friends (that was actually ALSO MY acquaintance) was forgot my name *sad face*. So after small talks like, how are you doing, where are you placed now, etc., etc., he then said:

"Btw I still read your blog, and I noticed that sometimes you seems disturbed (Actually the Indonesian word for this is "alay" lol), why was that?"

I just laughed. Okay the good news is people still read my blog lol and he blogged, too, so we kind of follow each other blog although he's been dormant till now. I was quite surprised because it's been too long. Thanks loyal reader! Lol. And the bad news is, as a blogger, your life becomes more and more predictive. Like, when you are disturbed, people can see it in your writing. You tried to hide it once or twice but it's not always successful. I no longer care now actually. I can just laugh it off lol.

Life Is Strange is my current favorite game. Really love the gameplay and ambience. Dark enough to be my thing. If only The Sims has this kind features lol. Illustration by me.

Anyway, I've been playing games again for several days now. I am a seasonal gamer and when I play, I spend hours and hours. Since I rarely go out and I've been paying my fasting debt (I know, it's a shame because I'm such a procrastinator) so to kill the time I just play the games. They are mostly on PC. Mobile games are interesting, too. They are just too short to fulfill my interest.

Well to feed my satisfy, my game has to meet 80% of these criteria (lol):

1. ARTWORK

As seen on my post here, no matter how suck the game is I will still play it if the artwork took me fancy. Whimsical or fairy-tale-ish creature will be an additional value.

Yang Kamu Lakukan Ke Saya Itu: JAHAT!!!

Karena sudah lama nunggu, dan sudah sangat familiar dengan cuplikan dialog pada judul di atas mengingat trailer yang sudah wara-wiri entah dari kapan, juga meme parodi yang bertebaran, maka ketika adegan tersebut benar-benar tayang dalam filmnya, saya jadi agak-agak nahan napas sambil mikir, "ini dia!".

My ticket.

Diramu dengan dialog yang memorable, quotable dan cerita yang relatable, maka seklise apapun AADC, dia tetap memikat para fans baru maupun lama. Die-hard fans? Tentu saja bakalan susah move on selama beberapa hari lah paling lama. Well seperti saya bilang, film ini terlalu ditunggu dan terlalu sulit dilupain.

***

Memorable

The Sparkling Thing You (Think You) Envy

For some reason, I LOVE talking about how I am coping (I mean, surviving) this wanderer lifestyle that I'd never think of in the past. You know, the family missing thing, the unsure of what to do most of the time stuff, and the homeless feeling, kind of coloring my life in these 5 years. Well told you again this time, I am not an adventurer type whatsoever. Of course I had times when I went around as a kid, got into forest and forbidden place without parents' permission, like a very fun child, but in fact I'm so private and independent and I hated people that I might get home schooled but fortunately I didn't.

I am a wanderer because of work who spent 1/3 of her life (it's 2/3 now btw T_T) being a corporate slave and blah blah (read my "about me" page, will ya?). But honestly I'm starting to like it: hell yeah, liking what you do, not doing what you like (like a wise grown up). And yes, instead of being unsure of what to do (as said above), luckily now I've got a lot of things to mind.

Tokyo Ghoul by Me.

My friend once said that it is a very brave thing to do, choosing this lifestyle. OMG you are wrong, pal. I never choose this. It chose me. But forget it, because I got paid lol so I have no rights to badmouth it. And people always talk no matter what. They say they wanna be like me (I'M SORRY, REALLY?). I'm glad they see me positively like, as an ambitious working girl, postpone a lot of things to be what I am today, hard worker (cynical words sorry).

To be busy.

The Loyalist without Hobbies

What does "loyalist" mean to you?

Maybe you think the person who's not cheating in a relationship is a loyalist. The person who always defend and support you in any situation is loyal. The person who stays beside you no matter what, or the person who thinks you as a positive creature (IDK, what is the right term for this? "Husnudzon"), they are also loyalist. It varies but mostly, it agrees with the term "having or showing complete and constant support for someone or something (okay, I took this from Merriam-Webster)".

As for me, loyalty is not simply about supporting or defending. For me, giving respect is one act of loyalty. And actually it's a part of "supporting". Especially for something you couldn't completely understand. Like, hobby. Everyone has hobby (I don't know if there's a human without one lol). The common ones are painting, reading, even social media-ing. But some of them have this fetish not everyone could aggree. For example, collecting stamps. It might silly for some people, what's the meaning of collecting stamps, right? There's no practical or concrete use in it but we can't help it if we like them, right?

Bodo Amat

"The pen is mightier than a sword." - Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

Sambil nulis ini, saya sambil nyetel Youtube gitu. Gak ditonton sih. Hmm awalnya nonton. Dimulai dari nyari-nyari video clip musisi favorit (saat ini lagi suka banget sama Sia), lalu video Stand Up Comedy baru (atau lama) Ge atau Uus, sampai kemudian nyasar ke video Mata Najwa yang beberapa waktu lalu abis wawancarain anak-anak presiden tahun ini. Sampai di video terakhir akhirnya suara Youtube menjadi background postingan ini - kalau di-publish sih hehe. Well, setelah beberapa lama gak nulis, yang notabene melanggar janji saya untuk konsisten nulis One Day One Post alias #ODOPfor99Days yang belakangan jadi hashtag di blog ini, tiba-tiba saya terinspirasi sama video tersebut. Haha enggak lho. Saya gak ngefans sama sekali. Tapi sebuah pelajaran bisa kita dapatkan dari mana aja kan? Even tempat terkotor di bumi sekalipun (pemisalan hiperbola).

Misalnya bagaimana mereka membentengi diri dari "serangan pena" (okeh, gak pena-pena banget; "kata-kata") haters, kaum nyinyiris, dan kepoers-bertopeng-fans.

Grumpy Cat is one of "bodo amat" guru lol.

Mari bicara tentang hal lain dulu. Ada dua kalimat yang lagi trending belakangan (di benak saya). Dua kalimat yang 'gak tau "rasanya" kenapa sama sehingga ketika saya mendengar dua kalimat ini saya jadi gak pengen dengerin lagi orang yang ngomong itu selamanya. Oke. Lebay banget ini. Gak sekejam itu kok saya. Kalimat apa aja itu?

1: "Gak ngurus. Emang kenyataannya kamu X ."

2: "Kamu X sih. Hahaha tapi saya cuma bercanda".

*X refer to kata-kata menyakitkan.

Berjilbab Itu Mahal

Membicarakan proses berhijab selalu menyenangkan bagi saya. Entahlah. Ada yang bilang ini usaha menyombongkan diri, riya' dan istilah lain sejenis (bukankah masalah terbesar orang yang menyampaikan kebaikan itu begitu? Dianggap sombong, riya', fanatik, militan). Tapi ya udah.

Back to topic, proses berhijab sudah pernah saya bahas sedikit di postingan yang ini. Hmm gak tau deh. Tiba-tiba aja saya jadi pengen bahas lagi. Mungkin karena saya abis nonton KMGP? Saya gemes ketika ada orang sudah berjilbab, terus mencela orang yang belum dengan kata-kata "ih apa susahnya sih jilbaban, tinggal pake doang". Itu salah. Karena berjilbab itu susah.

At least waktu itu.

1999

Di suatu tabligh akbar pas syukuran hatam anak-anak ngaji pas SD, ustadz-nya ngasih ceramah kayak gini:

"Menutup aurat itu perintah Allah dalam Al Qur'an. Gak laki gak perempuan semuanya harus menutup aurat kecuali di depan mahrom-nya. Aurat perempuan yang banyak. Seluruh tubuh kecuali muka dan telapak tangan. Dan bukan cuma sholat atau ngaji aja perempuan harus menutup aurat"

Dalam hati saya:

"Hah? Berarti harus mukena-an gitu tiap ke luar rumah atau ketemu orang lain? Mukena kan buat sholat doang. Aneh."

Menua

Apakah mungkin Kenangan hanya fasilitas yang diciptakan Waktu untuk menghukum manusia? - Sabda Armandio, Kamu Cerita Yang Tidak Perlu Dipercaya (2015).

Kadang-kadang saya mikir, gimana rasanya menjadi tua? Dimana kamu tidak punya banyak kemampuan yang tersisa yang biasanya kamu ahli. Dimana kamu sudah gak mampu ke mana-mana, sakit, lemah, dan ruang gerak kamu menjadi terbatas. Kamu yang biasanya lincah, pengembara, aktif, tiba-tiba ruang gerakmu dibatasi menjadi di sekeliling rumah saja.

Menjalani rutinitas terbatas setiap harinya, maha membosankan namun memang tidak ada hal baru yang bisa kamu lakukan - bahkan diingat secara jangka panjang. Oleh karenanya bertahun-tahun kamu menjadi tidak punya pengalaman baru, dan satu-satunya obrolan yang bisa kamu bagi hanyalah kenangan yang kamu masih ingat jelas. Kenangan yang tersimpan lama, jauh sebelum kamu menua, jauh sebelum kamu berhenti lincah, mengembara, aktif, dan jauh sebelum ruang gerak kamu dibatasi. Yup. Pada akhirnya yang tersisa hanya kenangan.

Memory, Agent Starling, is what I have instead of a view - Hannibal Lecter, in The Silence of The Lambs (1991).

Ini dimulai saat saya mengamati nenek saya di rumah. Usianya sudah di atas delapan puluh. Penyakit beliau sudah bermacam-macam sekali. Untuk berjalan pun beliau sudah susah. Sejak belasan tahun lalu beliau sudah tidak pernah ke mana-mana lagi. Ruang gerak beliau jadi terbatas sekali. Rumah. Ruangan ke ruangan. Halaman depan. Sudah. Begitu pun orang. Hanya bertemu anak dan cucu setiap hari. Tetangga sesekali. Tukang gorengan yang mampir beberapa hari sekali. Dipanggil cuma kalau pingin jajan.

Hijab Hunger

Di zaman dimana gaung hijabers sudah bukan fenomena asing ini, penyakit "hijab hunger" alias "kelaparan akan hijab" sudah bagaikan penyakit yang awam juga. Biasa banget. Liat trend ini itu tertarik, liat artis pake gaya ini itu tergiur, bahkan liat "saingan" kece pake model ini itu pun kelabakan. Punya jilbab udah lusinan bahkan kodian masih aja berasa kagak cukup. Soalnya yang namanya trend itu gak abis-abis! Kemaren kayaknya baru aja muncul pashmina monokrom yang HITS banget, eh tiba-tiba besoknya muncul khimar renda-renda yang unyu-sayang-buat-dilewatkan. Gue harus keren! Gitu kali di pikirannya. Gak ikut trend gak keren! Gitu aja terus sampe tua.

Gaya gueh. Yah sebenernya masih jarang pake rok.

Emang. Gak berhenti-berhenti.

Ini adalah bentuk rasa tergelitik saya setelah membaca sebuah artikel (di sini). Di situ dibahas secara nyinyir bahwa kita para hijab hunger adalah teri-teri target pasar para kakap yang jualan via IG. Emang gak selalu dari IG sih ya. Tapi kiblat tren saat ini ya paling gampang memang dari IG. Biasanya semua diawali dari rasa penasaran saat liat selebgram keceh atau artis atau pendakwah yang pake hijab super keceh. Kayak, ih oke kayaknya kalau gue pake gituan. Beli dimana sih? Akhirnya stalking-stalking sampe dapet toko yang jualan itu hijab.

Maag(er)

Katanya, LIMA dari SEPULUH pekerja di Indonesia terkena penyakit MAAG. Katanya sih ini riset dari WHO (circa 2011). Ternyata sakit maag bukan cuma penyakit yang rentan diderita anak kosan berstatus mahasiswa doang. Lha saya anak kosan berstatus karyawati bisa kena juga hehe karena banyak faktor yang bisa menyebabkan penyakit maag seperti: pola makan yang gak teratur (checked), kebanyakan minum teh, soda atau kopi (checked, teh doang ding), stress (checked, oops!), makan yang pedas dan asam (checked!), alkohol (BIG NO), kurang tidur (checked). Malahan belakangan lagi sering banget kambuh (T_T).

Gambar lama. *nulis tiap hari bikin stok gambar menipis T_T

Saya udah lama banget jadi pasien maag yang kambuhan banget walaupun alhamdulillah gak sampe kronis sih. Saya pemales parah. Untuk makan aja males. Kadang saya mikir mungkin saya cocoknya hidup di era futuristik dimana makanan semuanya berbentuk pasta atau semacam infusan (okeh, lebay dan na'udzubillah). Intinya penyebab saya maag adalah maager (eaa pelesetan).

Tausiyah Cinta dan Teori Telapak Hati

Tadi saya abis nonton Tausiyah Cinta. Sendiri (oke sebenernya ini gak usah disebut). Udah lama banget sih pengen nonton ini. Alesannya macem-macem. Bagi yang pernah nonton Cinta Shubuh mungkin udah antisipasi juga yah karena orang-orang di dalamnya ada di situ juga. Terus yah udah lama sih gak nonton film religi yang insya Allah banyak hikmahnya gitu. Surga Yang Tak Dirindukan pun hanya sebatas dirindukan karena terus-terusan menunda nonton dan akhirnya tidak nonton hihi.

Telapak itu menggenggam cinta.

Terus gimana kesan-kesannya? Uhmmm acting-nya yah jangan diharepin sekelas sama aktor/aktris profesional (eh, senior) dong karena jelas beda banget. Tapi ada Irwansyah dan Meyda Sefira sebagai cameo serta Mbak Peggy Melati Sukma sebagai emaknya si tokoh utama jadi lumayan juga. Segi ceritanya? Jujur ceritanya agak loncat-loncat sih. Saya sampe bingung ini tokoh utamanya yang mana? Alurnya ke mana? Tapi memang ada juga kan film yang kayak gitu. Seolah satu tokoh dan lainnya gak ada hubungan tapi ternyata semua berkaitan walaupun subtle.

Tapiiii... serius ini bagus buat ditonton. Kayaknya dibikin emang buat dakwah dan banyak banget lantunan ayat suci Al-Qur'an di film ini (banyak adegan ngaji dan muroja'ah, istilahnya dakwah "hard selling"). Semoga tujuan yang bikin film tercapai sih. Gak rugi nontonnya walaupun kurang greget (asli kurang greget ciin). Yah nonton aja deh karena saya gak pengen review (kalau mau ada di sini). Yang jelas ada beberapa kata-kata yang bikin baper hihi. Saya selip-selipin di postingan ini deh. Btw soundtrack-nya enak-enak juga.

Azka: "Gue masih gak bisa menemukan jawaban atas pertanyaan kenapa Allah membuat gue ****? Kenapa Allah mengambil **** gue?"

Lefan: "Sombong lo, Az! Apakah lo merasa segitu sholeh-nya sampe-sampe merasa tidak pantas diuji oleh Allah?"

Azka: "Astaghfirullooooh" (disensor soalnya spoiler hehe).