That Just-In-Case Stuff and Where You Put Them

This is very embarrassing but after all these years of denial, I finally need to agree with them easy-going-don't-care-for-style girls and have to reconsider my choice of: BAG. Yes, bag is an essential part of women (hehe) like we cannot going around without carrying our bags. For a woman who works like me, choosing a bag is one factor because I walk about 300 meters from my place to the office everyday carrying my bag (full of my 'just-in-case' stuff). I don't really carry a lot of stuff, tho. But still, the right bag is necessary.

And why do I suddenly think this way? I don't really have problems with my daily bag before today. Yeah. Another clumsiness kills so I have this aching right shoulder for two weeks (tears).

My daily bag.

Yaaa jadi ceritanya dua minggu lalu saya jatuh terperosok ke dalam lubang yang dalam (jirr bahasa apa ini). Saya lupa yaa waktu itu memang 'gak seberapa sakit sih tapi malunya lebih nyakitin karena diliatin orang-orang haha. Pas nyampe kosan, saya baru sadar kaki saya lebam binti lecet dengan tangan kanan yang tiba-tiba pegel kayak mau copot.

Sehingga saya 'gak bisa pake tas kerja saya yang biasanya: that brown Mayonette handbag I adore so much (huhu). Ini juga menyadarkan sih bahwa sebelum saya jatuh itu saya memang kadang sakit bahu yang kemungkinan besar disebabkan oleh pilihan tas yang kurang ergonomis.

Barang bawaan saya cukup banyak sih. Orang bilang, isi tas kita itu isinya barang-barang just-in-case semua. Siapa tau butuh gitu. Tapi gak benar-benar selalu diperlukan. Kayak saya, selain dompet dan hand phone, isi tas saya itu ya benda-benda untuk aktivitas "menunggu". Hand phone, headset, pulpen, sketch book, note book, just book, hehe. Makanya karena isi tas saya gak bisa diringkas lagi, akhirnya saya memutuskan pake tas punggung. :(

Buat saya ini tuh lumayan big deal sih.

Swatch Switch (My Smart Phone Screed)

As you know, my Nexus 5 was broken several days before 2017. I know, it's like an ugly ending for him (I called my phone as "him" lol) and I was sad because he's been with me for almost 2 years. I haven't use the same mobile phone for more than 2 years until him. Not a bragging but nowadays people got bored with smart phone like 5 seconds after they purchased it, considering there are a lot of new type of smart phone offered in the market in a year. Me? My problem with smart phone is not that "boring" thing, it was simply because I couldn't use it anymore (broken stuff). Like, I purchased Samsung three times and they are running out of battery too soon (talking about defect battery life). My Blackberry track pad is also broken I couldn't use it anymore. Lately my Nexus was broken because I dropped him like too often and finally I couldn't turn him on until now. Clumsy me :(

My Broken Nexus 5 :(

Me and my Nexus 5 has a special relationship. After I got him, I never have the urge to buy another phone. I'm a regular Android user, tho. I don't build programs whatsoever so probably I like him very much because of his looks, his interface (slightly different from regular Android phones, the "back" button is on the left - I'm not a lefty tho), and his 'hipster'-ish feeling because he's so rare now. He's so nice to hold on my tiny hand, and I used to tired holding my mobile phone all the time until him. So, having him broken was a great loss for me.

Greater loss when I remember that I only have it backed up on October, so the data after that is erased. Including my parents' photos taken in Bali (have another photos on my Sony Cyber-shot DSC TX20 but not too many left there). I once left my Nexus 5 on a cab while arriving at the airport. Lucky me, the man in the information center lend me his phone so I could call my own phone and the cab's driver picked it. He was kindly return to the airport and handed me back my phone alhamdulillah. I was like, should I have a back up phone? Nowadays people have more than one phone. But NO. I always bring my laptop everywhere and my number is connected to my emails (mostly connected every way, including my social medias - security risks talking) so I'll stay with only one number - one only way to reach me (and I rarely pick up any phone-call lol sorry).

Formula Anti Gila

I am actually in the middle of working - cie, kerja teross. Gak sih, soalnya kemarin sempat bolos satu setengah hari gara-gara HxNx - oke, kita biasa menyebutnya "flu" - sehingga saya merasa sudah terlalu lama libur tanpa cuti dan harus mengganti gap kosong yang kemarin saya tinggalin (still, "cie, kerja teross").

Baiklah. Saya ada deadline. Dia menunggu di pojok sana. Sendiri. Menatap sambil mengancam akan mematikan lampu. Mengingatkan bahwa listrik adalah sesuatu yang memberi nyawa pada apa yang sedang saya kerjakan. Dan saya malah menggambar, menggunakan listrik untuk sesuatu yang lain seperti main-main dengan Photoshop dan bahkan sekarang sedang menulis entry blog di sini. Oke. Dia menatap saya tambah tajam sekarang.

Haruskah saya lari sekarang? Soalnya untuk memenuhi si deadline ini, saya butuh energi. Energi saya lagi kurang banget. Flu dan beberapa hal gak penting sedang menguras energi saya. OMG makin dibiarkan, makin mau gila.

Inspired by Nala Cat. Colored pencil and water color on plain paper. With ink and a help of Photoshop CC.

Analoginya begitu sih. Dan ini gak terjadi sekali aja. Sudah berkali-kali. Agaknya tiap tahun begini banget deh. Di saat inspirasi sangat dibutuhkan dan harus dieksekusi, eh yang terjadi macam-macam: sakit flu, malas, futur, bengong, gak fokus, malas. Hehe. Termasuk, ada pengaruh dari perasaan kehilangan akibat ditinggalkan beberapa orang (atau hal) sekaligus. Yah, saya agak sensitif terhadap 'ditinggalkan'. Dalam beberapa kasus ini sangat merugikan sih, misalnya kita jadi melakukan banyak tugas sementara menunggu pengganti manusia-manusia (atau hal-hal) yang pergi.

It seems that the whole world is against me now. - January 6, 2017.

Oleh karena itu saya menjadi manic! Mmm gak tau deh apa istilah ini tepat. Pokoknya ada saat di mana kamu lagi banyak ide yang pengen diungkapkan tapi yang terjadi adalah, kamu mandeg. Kemudian cemas 'gak jelas, waswas dan sebagainya. Juga ada rasa g'ak percaya sama orang (atau hal), takut 'gak sejalan dan sebagainya. Mendengarkan musik pun jadi nyakitin kuping gitu. Entah karena sulit ngaturin prioritas ataukah kamu memang bukan eksekutor yang baik. Dan saat itu terjadi, kadar antusiasme yang kamu dapat dari sekitarmu ternyata kurang banyak! Gak heran si manic ini semakin menjadi-jadi.

The Ghostwriter Part 2; Publish or Perish

If there's a part 2, then there must be a part 1 heheh. Well that part 1 was happened years ago, when I was still in the "will-work-for-food" phase (in the most desperate state) and doesn't need any attention to my actual entity. For example, I didn't sign my creation (or writing); means, I let people claimed it as theirs; means, no one knows it was me creating things. And then there were "but(s)" behind all these means. Here are the but(s): I was paid, They were nice, The situation didn't allowed me to do that (For example: I've just graduated, how would I write a doctoral thesis on my own, right?) and I was paid lol. So there was no problem about that, right? We made a deal! And because I learnt a lot by doing that so I didn't hate it. Being a ghostwriter was fun. Like being a secret agent.

WAS fun.

Until unfortunately, I found it was no longer exciting since I am in the real world now. Yes. I told people that one of my motto is "publish or perish" but at times, I'm too coward to take credits for everything. Have I told you that I once hid myself in the crowd when I was announced as a winner of something in high school and asked to get on to the stage, just because I didn't want to be seen - I was too shy (and coward). Okay that was the stage fright things and happen to be lost in sight nowadays (sometimes it happened again, displease everyone). What I'm talking about now is something deeper.

Originally seen on Marc Jacobs ad. Illustration on plain paper using inks and water color. Refined by Photoshop CC.

This is the situation where you create (or control, or think, or whatever) something but no one knows about it coming from you. And they do it on purpose while you don't. There are reasons behind it but it doesn't matter. Your name isn't worth to mention and they prefer you to stay anonymous. So you hid yourself again. Like a ghostwriter (or only "ghost"). Only this time, you don't mean it.

To explain the ambiguity-ish feeling resulted by this situation, I'll split myself into two persons.