2012: 22 things before 22

Every time I see the last date on the last month of the last page on my calendar, I feel suddenly excited. Not because it's the end of the year or the new year's eve will soon approach. Well I don't like fireworks (it's too noisy for my ears) or stay up in the middle of the night and actually I don't celebrate new year bash or something like that. It's just, new year means I'll soon have my age grew. Cheesy huh? I love new year!

But, making a recap or kaleidoscopic notes about how I've been doing in the past year to make an introspection or even a resolution is a good thing. Beside, it'll be soon my birthday so I used to make that recap. It's very useful to make yourself improved both mentally and emotionally. Okay, I'll do that in detail when my birthday is coming. Now I'd just make a short recap about how I feel about 2011. Say, 2011 for me is all about my effort to enter the company I've been working for. And don't forget about the illustrations. I made illustrations like crazy while that waiting phase.

2011

* Had a typhus in February

* Had a very long process to enter the company

* Hired as a ghost writer, helping my professor's colleague to do his doctoral thesis

* Had a long waiting phase, curious about my previous job application test

* Had a big love for illustrations, at first it was just to distract my mind from that waiting phase

* Had a big passion for blogging, even bigger

* Had my illustration contributed in NYLON magazine

* Had a small pox with a late diagnose (I've forgiven you, doc! Don't worry)

* My lovely cat was dead

* Waiting phase again, not ended yet

* Losing my expectation about the company, started to apply for another job

* Finally hired and have my job training started since December and afterward (I guess I'll make a special edition for this)

See? 2011 is like a very long hiatus for me. But it's okay now because it ended up like a happy ending. I just wish that 2012 will be more kind to me. It has a good beginning, so I wish it'll end in a good ending. FYI, last year, in my hiatus, I always pray,

"Allah, please don't make me face my 22nd birthday with me still a lame unemployed."

And you know IT'S GRANTED! So..relieved. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, I actually didn't have any list about "22 things before 22" stuff. I guess I'll write a list about 22 things I achieved before 22. But not right now. I'm still thinking about it.

Last but not least, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2012 please be kind(er) to me. :)

The Hiatus has Paused

So after a very long waiting phase.. I finally get that email. I won't say this is an end, or this is over, because it'll be a beginning of my next phase (OH FINALLY!). I remember that I was once a college student, then after graduated, I caught in a hiatus (an euphemism for "unemployed") for more than a year, so I'm so excited for this moment to come.

I actually a little shy because I once bad-mouthed that company. Apologize! So I think the case closed then. I hope that company won't read that post. :P I'm just thinking that when I was ready to let this opportunity go, and try to cope by applying another job, then it suddenly came back to me again without notice. I believe this is a blessing from Allah. Alhamdulillah. Because of this riot, I'm able to learn what "sabar" (patience) and more of sabar means. Although I might won't keep this for long because after all I'm only human, but insya Allah, I'm gonna do my best. :)

Well this is the latest illustration I made on yesterday. I was thinking to make a fashion illustration since the girl I drew was in a fashion-spread on my old magazine. But it just ended up like this. A little whimsical and ghostly at the same time. I doubt it could be categorized as a fashion illustration. But I'm sure this picture describes a lot of my hiatus phase before I finally invited. (I drew it yesterday, means it was before the email came, remember?).

Forest girl. Waiting for something.

Here I also want to tell you readers that I'm afraid I can't get in touch with this blog again. I'll have my job training started in 2 days and probably won't post anything until next month. I hope we'll meet again in not later than January or February 2012, right after I turned 22. :P Wish me luck guys! :)

Sisters

I have no sister. Okay, I have my best friends in behalf of this "sisters" place. But you know I sometimes imagine what is it like to have sisters. Is it fun, or is it a curse? :P You maybe own a person to play your barbie doll with, or to play cooking, or to talk some cheesy gossips with, or the most important thing, to brag your stuff with. Well I have two brothers and they never let me to brag about my new clutch, or my new accessories, or my brand new make up (As if!). But I proud of them anyway. Besides, I still have my mom to talk with. I brag everything to her. Sometimes she bored with my bragging thing but come on, bragging will not make you look good in your friends' eyes. They will consider you as an arrogant lady. So, the safest person to brag is your very own mom. :D

And oh she's also like to play make up to my face since she's some kind of make up artist. Man.. I honestly hate it. :P

Playing make up with your sister.
Model: Dakota and Elle Fanning, from W magazine.

Letting Go

I'm so ashamed by the post I made earlier. (I won't tell you which one :P). At first I just attempted to write about my feeling and I don't think many of my friends will read it. Okay, I did give the link to several of them, just to get opinions. Still, I never thought that they will read it! So now everyone knows what has happened. So they knew that I was a pathetic. But it's just a "was". Means, I'm no longer in grief.

Grief.

Okay, I still feel the grief.

But not too much. At least I'm ready for the letting go stuff. Yes. I'm coping now. And big thank you for everyone who's gave me supports, courage, advice, anything. You might not believe it but any positive words from you was superb. Appreciate it. May Allah give y'all the best. :)

To be honest, letting go this grief was not easy. But thank God we've managed to do some efforts. So yesterday we had an outing together (all of us, with the same problems). At first I was thinking that if people with the same problem had a discussion together, they will talk about their problem and make pathetic confessions so that the grief will grow bigger. But I was wrong. After we had a chit-chat, ranged from our very problem to the light ones, we felt so much better.

So in my opinion, if you had a grief and want to let it go, I suggest you to talk it with, mostly, the ones who have the same or similar problem with you. If you think, "no, I'll get better after some self-alienation, just leave me alone", you are wrong. Alienation will just make your grief grow bigger, since the negative energy will gather and reach you easily. And your brain (or your heart) won't stop to fight. Your brain may say, "hey you have to stop being a pathetic," but then your heart answer, "no, leave me alone, I'm a loser". etc. Isn't it complicated?

Communication is the key. Don't choose to be alone if you are able to meet other people. By the way, here are some pics of our "letting-go-the-grief"-outing.

Before

Who is this? Is this really me? :P

After

Some silly snapshots in the restroom.

A little pose while having a talk.

This condition reminds me about a song from Savage Garden, entitled "Crash n Burn".

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

------

---------

Bridge:

Because there has always been heartache and pain

And when it's over you'll breathe again

You'll breathe again

Have a great day always. :)