2.2.12

Looking Forward to Moving Forward

I'm in a serious need of help. It's just, well, I don't know. Every time I look down on my shoes, I see my steps and wonder if I've been in the right track all these times. Sometimes I feel like I keep walking and walking but in fact I'm not going nowhere. But hey, I have to believe that I'm in the middle of a progress. A long process, to be able to move forward. It's hard and sometimes, it's hurt. But I have to face it no matter what.


Well, this is another submission for illustration Friday this week. It's been months since the last time I've participated in the group. I hope this illustration is quite suitable for this week's theme. Apologize for the pathetic opening paragraph. It's just a narration! :)

26.1.12

Fashion Vs. Uniform

First thing that I was excited to experience when I graduated from my high school was, the fact that I didn't have to wear any uniform to go to campus. I was kind of sick using the same style of uniform everyday. White shirt, grey skirt and black shoes everyday. No exception. It's pretty boring.

Why do I hate uniform? You can say, well, I do love fashion. And fashion has so many kind of color, style, cut, you name it. That is why I hate wearing the same kind of outfit everyday. I even decided to not to have a job that oblige me to wear any kind of uniform-ish clothes. But in fact, I'm not that fashionable! Even if I was so happy for getting out of my 12 years life in a duty for wearing uniform to go to school, you could find me back then when I was a college-student, wearing the similar outfit everyday!

This is me when I was in college. Yeah, it's sort of uniform-ish outfit.
My mom used to buy me like millions of plaid shirts. Kind of silly, no? Uhm I don't know but well I like plaids. Even now I still love it. Plaid shirt is like grunge thing that reminds me about Kurt Cobain (I don't know much about his music but I think he's cool). Also, I love shirts. Seriously.

And guess what, for now I am here, during my job training, I have a duty to wear a white shirt plus dark-blue trousers, along with dark tie and veil. Everyday! You're right. It's uniform again! Tsk...I think I should make up my mind for not too much complaining about this uniform thing. Come to think about it. Wearing uniform is not that bad. It shows our loyalty and unity regarding being in the same company as employees. So I think I must stop minding this thing.

*By the way, I post a lot of complaining thing in my blog recently. Woops I shall stop doing this. Complaining isn't a good habit, I think.

What do you guys wear to your office or school? Tell me about it. :)

22.1.12

Jet Lag (Homesick)

Have you ever felt like, you've just suddenly woke up in a wrong place, wrong time, and of course, in a wrong situation? (I didn't mention about a wrong body, no?) Well sometimes I do. Especially in the mean time. It's just like, yesterday I was only a free-lancer and I did so many illustrating and translating stuffs for a living. But now it's totally different. I'm no longer a free-lancer and I'm not able to do anything that I used to do. It's quite hard for me to find some time to make drawings or laying in my bed, do nothing but day-dreaming. Okay, I was a lazy-bone lady back then. And now I'm forced to do a lot of diligent and well-regulated stuffs like having meals in the exact same time everyday, do some sports (THIS IS the worst part) three times a week, studying like crazy especially when it comes to exam-schedule..etc.

So it's like a jet-lag thing. I came from a lazy-bone home and arrived unconsciously in a hard-worker dormitory. And you know, my mates here are those so-called extraordinary people. I wouldn't say this if I have no proof. They are so capable and enthusiastic in everything. I honestly feel a little miss-fitted. Am I really suitable for this kind of job? Will I really capable to do what I'm going to have to do? Will I survived this situation safely? I'll get the answer one year later.

Okay what I am going to say is this, I miss my mom. I miss my cats, my family, my grandma, my home, and my home town! I miss everything in my old life. Well I didn't say that I hate my current life - I actually have been waiting for this phase to come - but sometimes I just feel that something might been wrong. It's like, the time doesn't move in the same rhyme with my own movement. It's like I'm going to miss a lot of things. When I realized that I'm no longer be able to go home again, in the mean time, it's already too late! I was like, hey really?! What am I going to do here, far from my old-times?

So this is what they called as homesick. Or in my case, old-life-sick.

My mom is my everything. Knowing she's not going to be around is a big LOSS.
What I'm able to do right now is just to adapt more. Struggle more. And don't settle. Never settled. Because I believe whatever may come in my life, it has been decided not only by our self in the past, but also by Allah. He's the one who decided what's good or what's bad. Not that I'm not happy or something like that. But I need a little more trigger to make me feel that this is the one that I really must do for a living. Today I may feel like miss-fitted and jet-lagged and tired but well, someday I'll realize that this is the best I can do and I have to do it with ikhlas.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.


(Surah Al Baqoroh verse 216)

15.1.12

Cikole Story part 2

Day 3

Berbivak. Pertama denger "bahasa" itu aku bengong 5 menit. Apaan tuh berbivak? Ternyata berbivak itu nama lain dari berkemah. Dan bivak itu nama lain dari tenda! Olala..kalo berkemah sih dari SD aku suka, kan aku anak Pramuka sampai SMP (dan berhenti gara-gara selalu jadi "penjuru kiri". You know what I mean. -_-). Tapi tunggu dulu..berbivak di Cikole ini beda loh. Yang jelas kita gak dibikinin tenda atau dimasakkin jadi tinggal tidur aja, tapi semuanya kita bikin sendiri! Luar biasa..
Perjalanan menuju tempat berbivak ditempuh dengan jalan kaki per peleton (aku peleton 3, totalnya ada 3 peleton). Kurang jelas juga di mana tempat bivaknya, tapi pelatihnya bilang sih sekitar 15 KM dari dodik. Awalnya aku mikir, alah kecil..kan barengan jadi gak kan kerasa capek. TAPI.... kan semuanya bawa ransel ijo-berat-susah-diatur itu tuh, aku baru nyeberang dodik aja udah ngos-ngosan dan beneran deh, CAPE banget! Aku mikir apa gara-gara kemarinnya aku abis di-orientasi medan ya? Apa karena aku baru ya? Atau emang aku lemah maksimum ya? Yah..wallohu'alam lah yang pasti saat itu, saat yang lain nyanyi-nyanyi ngusir cape, aku malah dipapah sepanjang jalan. Padahal ransel ijo-berat-susah-diatur itu udah ada yang ngebawain (aku lupa siapa, tapi makasih dari hati yang terdalam, mas!) dan bahkan togel-ku dibawain juga. Malu banget ya Alloh...padahal sama teman-teman se-peleton itu aja aku belum kenal semua tapi udah merepotkan semua (mulai galau).

Dan tau gak apa yang benar-benar mengganggu selama perjalanan itu? Yup. SEPATU. Sering banget aku jatuh kesandung dan berpikir bahwa, "Come on! aku tidak dilahirkan untuk memakai sepatu seperti ini!" (lebay). Karena beneran sih, kaki di dalam sepatu itu jadinya licin banget. Mungkin karena umur sepatunya baru 3 hari kali ya, sementara umur sepatu orang lain udah 13 hari, dan sepatuku itu jarang disemir pula, jadinya si sepatu ini masih gak betah nempel di kakiku. Saking betenya sama sepatu ini nih, aku sempat bilang pelatih pengen ganti sendal jepit! Hahay malu banget kalau inget kejadian ini. Ya daripada ngerepotin terus yang lain? Untungnya, teman kelompokku pada sabar-sabar dan gak nunjukkin kedongkolan mereka gara-gara keleletanku itu. Terima kasih peleton-ku..jasa-jasamu akan kukenang selalu.

Singkat cerita, setelah perjalanan yang melelahkan dan hampir aja aku mau pengsan (ini serius) tiap 5 meteran, sampe juga di tempat kemah. Kontan aku disindirin pelatihnya ampe gak kehitung lah berapa kali. Aku dibilang "ele-ele-an" masa... Sempet bikin down juga tuh, tapi ketika aku mengingat bahwa denda 300 juta bakal jadi bebanku kalau berhenti di sini, akhirnya aku paksain juga. (sampai hari ke-tiga ini, motivasi-ku masih "takut-didenda-tiga-ratus-juta-jadi-jangan-berhenti-dulu").
Tempat kemahnya itu subhanalloh indah banget...dari dulu aku penggemar berat hutan konifer (hutan pinus, cemara, dsb.). Kalau mau tau, Cikole itu daerah yang deketan dengan Gunung Tangkuban Perahu loh.. Nah nyampe sana, kita langsung disuruh nyiapin tenda (bikin sendiri) dan masak buat makan malem. Kebetulan aku se-bivak sama teh D dan R, dan mereka jago bikin tenda. Aku sendiri karena susulan jadi gak tau apa-apa soal cara bikin tenda. Akhirnya aku ditugaskan untuk ME-MA-SAK.

Alat masaknya itu, kompor kecil portable yang cuma bisa dikasih bahan bakar berupa parafin alias lilin atau kayu bakar ukuran mini. Dan koreknya itu loh. Geretan! Sumpah sebenernya aku takut nyalain api di geretan..tapi karena waktu itu gengsi mengakuinya, yaudah aku sok-sokan bisa aja padahal parafinnya gak kebakar-kebakar gitu. Parahnya, pelatih di deket aku ada yang curiga kenapa parafin aku gak nyala-nyala. Terus dia bilang "e kamu takut korek ya?" Mati gue. Hadeh pelatih, aku gak takut korek loh, itu parafin gak nyala-nyala karena aku masih berkutat dengan "bagaimana menyalakan geretan dengan benar tanpa membakar jempol tangan". Beuh...

Fakta menarik dari berbivak ini, saat memasak, hampir semua tukang masak tiap bivak menghasilkan masakan yang sama: nasi kurang mateng karena parafinnya abis di tengah jalan. Hore...aku tidak sendiri! Hehehe. Pokoknya makanan pertama di hari itu (kebetulan sudah sore) adalah nasi kurang mateng campur mie instan. Okelah,,hampir tiap hari sih kita makan nasi kurang mateng. Lauknya itu sangat variatif, bisa sarden, mie instan, abon, mie instan, dan abon (tuh kan variatif?).

Tiap sore jam setengah 6 dan pagi jam setengah 6, kita wajib tiarap di depan bivak. Masalahnya gak semua bivak menghadap pohon! Akhirnya pada waktunya tiarap itu, kita pada rebutan pohon deh. Nah terus setiap malam mulai jam 10-an, ada jaga serambi alias jaga malem bergiliran. Tiap bivak dapet giliran satu jam dan kita dikasih sandi suara dan sandi cahaya untuk berjaga-jaga dari musuh. Sebenernya tiap jam pasti ada pelatih yang mantau bivak kita sih tapi kan tetep aja kita harus jaga serambi sendiri supaya tetap waspada (dari bom). Saking waspadanya, mau tidur kek, mau ngapain kek, kita gak pernah buka sepatu! Udah kayak orang Eropa sono jadinya..hoho

Semua kejadian hari itu bikin aku mikir. Bahwa segala hal yang dilakukan dengan hati dongkol tidak akan mendatangkan manfaat apa-apa. Oke taro lah bahwa hal yang dilakukan memang sebenernya gak bermanfaat. Tapi minimal, kalau tidak dongkol, ya masih bisa dinikmati sebagai pengganjal waktu lah. Dan satu lagi, sebenci apapun kamu dengan sepatu (tentara)mu, jangan sampai kau telantarkan apalagi lupa disemir. Karena dia akan menggigit kakimu. Ini nyata kawan!
to be continued...