Escaping "Ambuhood"

As a new parent - with branches of doubts and a dose of close to be poignant inner goddess - I sometimes have this scary feeling: how could I not go back to be myself again before all of this? I mean, I was all alone & independent. I (perhaps) don’t depend on people and no one is dependent on me, too. But today is too much. Too different from that “alone” me. Think. Suddenly, almost two years ago I have a husband and three weeks ago, a baby?

The world is suddenly spinning three times slower, eh?

Illustration by me.

I seriously never thought that I’ll reach this point at last. I was very care-free and living only for the moment. (Actually I still that kind of “living for today” person). So to become a wife, and then mother, at last, is sometimes very overwhelming. Like, am I doing this correctly? Does my husband like what he sees, listens, treated as humanly as possible? Am I a good wife? Will I be a good mother? Does Faruki approve the way I treated him? Am I gentle enough? Because again, there’s no turning back. Hoping for a turning back is of course an impossibility - except you’re ready to lose something. I am very unprepared for all of this. But do I excited? Of course I am! I just, again, sometimes I’m scared of being not what I want to be. Being not good enough.

See I have it in my inner thoughts - and I believe lots of other mothers have it, too - so having another doubtful comments regarding my method of wife-ing and mother-ing is just unacceptable. Believe me, we sometimes want to “escape” this. Not that big escape, but having a chance to breath from this endless, full of surprises routines are something. Be it having a good shower, sugary meals, blog-walking, or a nice power nap, or having time to apply skin care on your dirty-unattended face.

Overheard Womanhood

“Teteh sekarang masih kerja?”

“Oh, enggak. Sekarang ikut suami.”

“Tuh, ‘kan. Ujung-ujungnya cewek mah di dapur.”

“Iya, harusnya ‘gak usah mahal-mahal sekolahin ya? (Senyum sinis)”

“He-he.. (Senyum salting)”.

2019 gitu lho. Tadinya saya tidak mau (dan sesungguhnya tidak perlu) emosi mendengar hal semacam ini dilontarkan. Tapi ternyata ini cukup merusak mood. Jadi daripada hal ini menggerogoti kehidupan, sebaiknya saya meracau saja di sini.

Illustration by me.

Saya memikirkan banyak sekali versi jawaban jika skenario itu muncul langsung di hadapan saya. Sayangnya, itu terjadi beberapa kali di depan ibu. Which is, rasanya lebih menyedihkan daripada dialami dan harus dijawab sendiri.

Versi jawaban pertama, saya akan bilang kalau, “Kerja ‘kan tidak harus di luar rumah.”

(Tapi ini denial, karena saya tidaklah se-“bekerja” itu sekarang).

The Ramadhan 1440 Preps

Last year I don’t really over think everything but we knew this year is going to be different. Not that I become lazy to wake up very early, or do stuff eagerly, no. I just quite lack the energy - I mean I still cook & all but the capacity is lesser. So yeah, I (& Mr. Darcy) tried it differently this year: we did a lot of preparation and we were excited. What are they? Common things, actually. Like, food stocking, cleaning, listing stuff, and decluttering.

Originally featured on Mosqetch, for sketching solidarity for NZ shooting. Drawing by me.

Since it’s Ramadhan day 3, and it’s not too late to start (or continue), we’re going to share a bit of our common preps - which we sure y’all already made steps ahead us.

Decluttering

verb

gerund or present participle: decluttering

1. 
   

   remove unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place).

   
   

   "there's no better time to declutter your home"

(from Google define).

Decluttering is fun. I’ve been doing it regularly since middle school. The reason behind it was because I was (and still) a messy person. So I need to sort things out every once in a while. I once became a shopaholic - believe me, I was - and things became stacked so much, too messy to handle. I forgot what I’ve owned and sometimes I bought things twice. Duh! So when I do the decluttering, I chose what I like best and kept it in my inventory, then gave away the rest to those interested. Year after year my stuff became lesser and lesser. Such a minimalist - this is also inspired by how Mr. Darcy has a similar experience (and troubles) and his decision to become one has been made up far long before mine. Now I only keep a small pile of outfits, shoes, make ups & bags in my closet.

Norak, Oh, Norak

Tersentil tulisannya Tere Liye di FB beberapa hari lalu, saya jadi ikut-ikutan ingin menyoal tentang drama per-norak-an ini. Ya. Beberapa hari lalu telah dilangsungkan uji coba MRT (Ratangga) di Jakarta. Kabarnya, sampai 31 Maret ini, dia masih gratis. Saya? Saya mah anak Bekasi. Pan-kapan aja nyobanya. Membayangkan penuh sesaknya, belum lagi drama rebutan kursinya, saja sudah bikin ogah. Tidak. Saya kurang suka konflik-konflik di tempat umum seperti itu.

Nah, balik lagi ke soal tadi. Karena masih gratis, maka berduyun-duyunlah masyarakat jabodetabek (dan luar kota) yang penasaran. Mereka datang untuk ikut mencoba “wahana” yang satu ini. Siapa saja masyarakat ini? Banyak! Tidak hanya milenial kelas pekerja saja. Atau influencer yang ingin eksis. Atau sosialita yang curi-curi kesempatan nampang dengan pejabat yang datangnya hanya sekali itu. Tetapi juga anak-anak dan emak-emak. Yang, anggaplah, belum pernah naik MRT sama sekali. Norak, katanya.

Illustration by me.

(Hmm sebenarnya sebagian besar kita juga belum pernah, ‘kan? Iya memang ada di Malaysia. Atau Singapura. Tapi yang pernah ke luar negeri pun banyak yang mengandalkan Grab ke mana-mana. Jadi tidak tahu tentang MRT).

Kemudian beredarlah foto-foto anak dan emak dan bapak yang katanya norak ini. Norak, karena menganggap arena MRT seperti Taman Kota yang bisa dibuat tempat piknik-piknik. Atau buat gelantungan seperti di kandang Bonbin. Norak, karena mereka membuang sampah tidak pada tempatnya. Juga norak-norak lainnya yang aduhai, sesungguhnya sangat tidak bisa ditolerir.